I'm working through things on a daily basis. Some days are good, some days aren't. But, having been through so much already in my life, I can recognize the big picture more easily when things get tough. And I have set goals for myself. Achieving and maintaining these goals is what I want to do with my life, and once attained, I will work to a point of absolute excellence in each of these areas. Quite frankly, I want to be the best at what I do. And with the Lord behind me, I know that nothing is out of reach. My entire life I have felt this eminent sense of something great to come. It is difficult to describe in words; you'd have to have felt it yourself for this concept to make much sense. And I don't want to sound arrogant or anything in saying something like that but hey, I tell it like it is, and the truth is, for my entire life, since I was a child, I have known that the Lord has an epic life in store for me. And evidence of preparation for this life is all around me and riddles my past. I've not yet begun to live; I've only just been preparing.
The extent of my preparation has been deep and incredibly difficult. I am a tortured soul. But this only reinforces and validates my sense of impending great things. I am also beginning to recognize that the wheels have been set into motion as I finish up my senior year and prepare to leave the relative comfort of a university setting. My time in college has served a purpose well beyond that of getting me a prestigious degree. This has been the most difficult time of my life, and not because of classes. In the last four years, I've been to Hell and back. If that seems a little melodramatic then consider this: I've steadily bled internally for two weeks before going to the ER, and arrived nearly dead. The head ER doc was amazed I was conscious, let alone could get myself to the hospital and walk in the front door. I was in the ICU for three days and back in class within a week; Two years ago I was diagnosed with a brain tumor, but only after I had to leave Duke for an entire year because I had no clue what the heck was going on with my mental health. I was absolutely devastated and disturbed for some "unknown reason," only to find out about the tumor after being pumped full of drug cocktails and numbed from any feeling whatsoever. The period of time before learning of the tumor was an unforgettable time of inner turmoil. But it was tame compared to what was to come. The next year, still on the same drug cocktails as recommended by crooked 'professionals,' I experienced my first drug-induced mania and put on 50 lbs in 3 months. For an aspiring elite triathlete in the best shape of his life this was absolutely devastating and constituted the most internally painful and outwardly humiliating period of my life. And for anyone who has ever tried to lose 50 lbs, you know how difficult it is, especially when a tumor is sitting in the pituitary gland messing around with the secretion of extremely important hormones that moderate everything from feelings of well-being to spermatogenesis to fertility to muscle maintenance and fat loss or preservation.
To be continued….
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